Mentally Tired? And you wonder why…

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Have you ever found yourself just doing to much? whether it’s moving from one relationship to another, from one job to another or simply always being on the go.  Then you awake one day just feeling tired mentally, physically, and emotionally. I can honestly say that  I am the poster child of most that I listed above. And it took for me to get well into my 30’s to understand that its okay to just be still. I had to get that it was ok not to get to know every person that I met. I did not have to give my energy to every situation that occurred in my life or in the people around me lives. I had to learn that once I was complete within myself and  had a relationship with God where I’d be able to allow him to lead my life, no matter where I ended up in my life  physically or financially I’ll still be content and grateful, but able to always shine and grow within my own light. I did not need the reassurance of man. I only needed it from God.

I feel as people we are people-pleasers. We feel we always have to please, agree, and have the approval of the next man in the schools we choose, the homes we buy, cars we drive, the clothes we wear, and the list goes on. We feel we have to be at every party or get together, we have to be in the click even when we don’t feel connected. Well I’m here to say, we don’t. Its okay to say no. Its okay to walk our own way and to do exactly what we like. We don’t have to belong. We don’t have to be accepted. Those needing to be accepted are weak and confused people that are empty. They need to belong to make sense of their being. Not realizing that the person, job, or click that they are  longing to be apart of more than likely don’t share the same want.  So they send themselves into a world of hurt, depression, and anger. Because they expected the love, acceptance, and reassurance of man in return.

When we find ourselves in any situation or relationship that start to take us off of our mark or weigh us down, sometimes we have to be able to take a step back. Separate ourselves from the person or situation. Look at it with an open mind. See what is wrong with the picture, even what we are doing wrong. Assess whether it needs to be removed from our lives or see if its  something that can be done to change the dynamic of the situation or relationship on our end because remember we can only control our own feelings, reactions, and thoughts, not another person or situation. But the most important step is to be still and listen to God and our hearts. The two will never steer us wrong, no matter the path.

When I learned to be still and sit in my situations instead or running, turning a blind eye, or pleasing another and paid attention to what God planned for my life. I was able to live in peace. I no longer felt mentally exhausted, or like throwing in the towel. I got out of the rat race and created my own path where I did not have to compete, be accepted, or reassured of who I am. We should never lose the understanding that we are all here for a purpose. Our journey in life should be to learn what purpose we are here for, get on our jobs, and live as best as we can. The world will never change, it will only get more complicated. So love God, Love Yourself, your family and friends. Laugh if you want, Love with no expectations, travel if you can. Just live. No person or situation is worthy of interrupting your happiness. Please don’t allow it..

Signing Off,

Empress…

Fear of Rejection; How do you handle it?

As I was driving to work this morning, I was thinking of a current situation that I am going through with a friend. This friend for the most part is a good person, however I have experienced some days where she has treated me a certain type of way because she was not feeling happy that day or was upset with me for something she feels I had or had not done.  And at this point, since it has happened on more than one occasion,  I felt it was best for me to let that friendship go because while I understand everyone has their days, I also know that I was not the cause of her issues; so to treat me a certain type of way anytime she feels upset is just not acceptable. I am one who believes that even when one is having a down day, its easy to say, ” hey I’m not feeling well today, I don’t want to talk right now” I will not take that to heart. I will attempt to help, but if not I will give the time and space they may need to feel better. Anyway this situation also made me question myself as to why I gave up on her so easily and I wondered did it have anything to do with a Fear of Rejection.

Its said that the Fear of Rejection can affect one’s life on so many levels, in personal, social, and professional situations. It can also bring so many other issues into ones life-like “Pride” and we all know that pride is a blessing but more of a curse. It causes us to never be open with what we are feeling or going through; Moreover it causes us not to ask for help when it’s truly needed. Because we are in fear of someone seeing our weaknesses or vulnerabilities. Like not wanting to be seen as weak or needy.  I can say honestly that, that is the story of my life.

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From a very young age I first experienced what I felt was rejection from my mother and father due to them not being the parents that they could have been. Now of course at my age and understanding, I know that they were young and may not have understood the seriousness of raising children. But I realize now that, that was when my fear for rejection came into play. So throughout out my life I learned to cope with it by getting rid of the friend, job, or relationship before they rid themselves of me. Sadly most of the time, it was not the case on their end, but my fear of rejection caused me to run because maybe I could not handle being rejected. Even on the professional level, I knew that I could do and go after certain things and projects  and more than likely would have been successful at it, but I chose not to pursue again due to being in fear of being rejected or not doing well.

In closing, at my tender matured age now.. those feeling are still very much alive at times; However, I have learned that everyone experiences rejection in some form or another. Rejection now only makes me stronger and more eager to win. I understand that communication is key with anything or anybody. while I may feel one is rejecting me, it may not be the case, I just need to get clarity. On the professional level I still second guess myself at times, but I no longer hold back, because its better to try and fail than to fail for not trying at all right.. I will be the first to say, having a fear for rejection is a sad feeling, it can block you from lots of great experiences in life. Its constant work on your part to heal and imperative to get help if needed. But my advise to anyone one struggling with this is to learn to love yourself and jump out into life and live…Whats the worst that can happen.

Signing Off,

Empress